D&D: Five Swords For Being Absolutely Basic

The temperature broke 100 in Texas. PSL season is around the corner. Time to be absolutely Basic. And in D&D, that means swords.

Look, we try not to judge here at BoLS, but sometimes court is in session. And having a magic sword is about as basic as it gets when it comes to D&D. You might as well ask for extra pumpkin spice.

Everyone has one. And we all like them, even if we claim we don’t. But you won’t win any cool points for wanting/having a magic sword. Especially not one of these five, extremely basic magic swords.

Oh, your sword is on fire? Yeah, you and everyone this side of 1st Edition D&D. Flaming swords are as basic a part of fantasy stories as elves and dwarves. Go ahead and deal your extra fire damage with every hit. But that’s all it does. And you’ll be just like every other hero of humble beginnings who found the first magic sword that came along.

Just because you like to put a shot of espresso in your pumpkin spice latte, doesn’t mean you’re somehow not drinking one anymore. Yeah, it “tastes different” and can decapitate a foe when you get a critical hit with it.

But you scream snicker-snack every single time it happens. Just like how the second a single autumnal leaf can be seen, you’ve broken out your loose-knit cardigan and those tan, comfy boots while you sip your hot, caffeinated milkshake.

That’s a cool anime shirt, for sure. But we all know your mom bought you that at Hot Topic. And that anime is getting renewed for another season already. Swords of Life Stealing are the mall goths of being basic. A little edgy, and surprisingly not that dark.

You’ve been trying to make fetch a thing since 3rd Edition, just like WotC has been offering this sword to everyone on their very first starter adventure. Neither have caught on.

There’s no denying you’re mommy’s special princess, and that you get a gold star in every class. But a holy sword of goodness is so basic it may as well have been created by John G. Kemeny and Thomas E. Kurtz at Dartmouth College in 1963.

What’s your favorite magic sword? And why does it make YOU basic?